Dear Fanfiction Writers
by rubyrose30
Summary: When the characters of Kuroko no Basket lose their shits and grab their keyboards, pen, pencils and anything they can get their hands on... to write some bloody letters to the writers of fanfiction! Hilarity ensures! -This is the translated work of a French fic: "Chers auteurs de fanfictions" by Naelye. All credits go to her.
1. To all you stalkers

**A/N: THIS IS A TRANSLATED WORK OF AN AWESOME FRENCH FANFIC WRITER, Naelye. I got the permission to translate her work. It's not a literal translation; I modified a few slangs only to better fit the characters. Please enjoy!~**

Dear stalkers,

I know that I'm one of your favourite characters. That being said, after reading some of your works, I really wished I was not one.

To start with, I'm not _that_ narcissist, egoistical, dumb and cruel. It's true that in basketball, I tend to shit on people's faces and cannot care less because the difference in our abilities is far too ridiculous and even weird at times, or simply because I'm bored. And even if I skip classes, I'm smart, _thank you_.

Anyway, this is not what annoys me the most. The persons with whom you pair me with most of the time, _shit_. Kise? This already starts badly! You really can imagine me, _me_ with that… crying blond?! Seriously, do y'all only know how to make me have a go with boys, or even some girls I don't even know?

There's also Tetsu. And those fics where you make me 'compete' with Akashi for winning his heart la di da di da those where I 'steal' him from Kagami so that he can become my shadow again. No. Just plain no. Is it not enough for me to say that the only thing that matters to me is the big boobs of Mai-chan? Tetsu is _far_ from having that body, thank you. Those who pair me up with Satsu, oh _fuck_. I know that she has the body, but she's not my type goddamn it! She's only my childhood friend... !

However, this is not the worst thing, and when I read about the other person who I 'fuck like a beast', I had to re read the name ten times, and even considered going to the optician. I nearly _puked_. Thank god I only checked the English fandom.

… Kagami. My god, what the fuck is wrong in your heads? He's my RIVAL, and just because he's… arrrghh even in writing it's hard to admit it, nearly on my level, doesn't mean that I'm attracted physically and/or psychologically to him!

Stop taking drugs, I'm serious. It doesn't suit you.

The best basketball player of Japan,

Aomine.


	2. To those having the wrong ideas

Dear writers with many wrong ideas,

I don't even know why I'm losing my time to write you a letter. At first, I was convinced that this madness would fade with time. Clearly, it did not.

Let's start with the names that you use to describe me. "Horoscope freak", "the green head", "tsundere", etc… I've read enough.

Judging, classifying or naming someone based on the color of their hair alone is clearly an act of immaturity and impoliteness. I am not the one who chose this _totally natural_ hair color. Nor did I choose to wear an orange basketball uniform with it. So please, stop comparing me with a carrot or any other fruit or object, it's not funny. One more thing: I don't push my glasses back up when I'm not wearing any. Stop making me do this in your stories, it's insulting. This sort of thing is not my style, but more like that of some idiots in my surrounding I choose not to utter the name of.

Also, horoscope predictions _are_ to be taken seriously. I'm neither a 'freak', like some of you say, nor am I superstitious. I only choose to take precautions, nanodayo.

And now to the most infuriating matter. One name: Takao.

I have no words to describe your stupidity. Let me ask you, where do you see me hiding my feelings for him or otherwise, nanodayo? He doesn't address me as Shin-chan upon my request, but simply because he's one annoying brat. We stick together because of basketball. He picks me up in the morning because we're in the same class. I've started to trust him more gradually because of all the time we spent together in friendship _only_ , not because "as days flew by, the feelings of the greenhead grew stronger". Takao is my friend. And I believe this is the first time I'm admitting it. It's absolutely out of question to tell him about this, nanodayo.

There's also Murasakibara. Your absurdities will never fail to impress me. That guy and I are simply incompatible. Be it in terms of horoscope, character, all. I don't understand your insistence on making things work between me and that greedy brat with no manners. Evidently, I simply refuse to talk about Kise, Kuroko, Akashi, Aomine or even Kagami.

Sincerely from the one who never misses his shots,

Midorima.

 **I'll be uploading the translated chapters a bit irregularly, since I'm also working on my main fic. I hope you enjoyed it so far!**


	3. To all the unfair writers

**A/N: I finally found some time to publish something, all thanks to that torrential rainfall closing everything out! I got a free day! *hysteric laughing* Enjoy the reading! ~**

You know, when I started to read fan fictions on the Generation of Miracles, sometimes on me, sometimes on the others, something hit me. Something _very important_ hit me hard.

You put the love of my life with everyone. Ki-chan, Midorin, Mukkun, Dai-chan, Akashi-kun, Kagamin, well, you see, everyone but… me. This is totally unfair.

It's clear that I am the girlfriend of Tetsu-kun. That being said, I did feel a little bit satisfied when I saw that there were a couple of stories narrating our blossoming love, however it's nothing but a minority. And those stories are never complete, long, or well-developed. I am disappointed. We're always having only some minor scenes as the secondary couple to show off the main one later.

…

I think I should consider myself lucky that you pair Tetsu-kun with guys, really. Thank god I did not see or read about him with that… B cup.

Another more or less important point, I have complete faith in my culinary skills. Maybe not the others(including Mukkun…), but I believe in them. So don't be afraid to have a taste of it when I ask you… please?

There's also this 'pairing' of me with Dai-chan. Me, with that… ganguro? No, no no. Aomine-kun is someone really important to me, I'm worried about him and take good care of him. Yes, I do have feelings, but not like that! Arghhh, just thinking about it….

Proceeding next with Imayoshi-sempai. I hope that you're kidding, because… I simply refuse. He's nice to me, he helps me to deal with Dai-chan and he's the captain of Touo. I hope you understand that it just won't happen.

As the final part, there's Akashi-kun. Akashi Seijuro. Is that my former captain that you're talking about? … Clearly. So, I analyzed that… pairing, and came up with some plausible arguments why I simply cannot go out with him, or even fall for him: a) I'm already in love, b) and it's not with him, c) he's too conceited, d) he's scary, e) I know that he's changed but well, he's still conceited and scares people and finally f) red and pink don't go well together, that's it.

Ultimately, the main reason why I absolutely cannot go out with any other boys mentioned is because clearly, I'm forever loyal to Testsu-kun. I refuse to let my eyes wonder elsewhere!

Sincerely,

From the girlfriend of Tetsu and the spy/ manager of Touo,

Momoi.


	4. To all you goody-two shoes

Dear mentally defective writers,

You know, I'm the one who pisses the others off, leaves them speechless, hurts them, well, you get it. _I_ do all of that to other people, and not them to me.

But you all are actually making it happen to me, you bunch of retards. Don't inverse the roles.

Sometimes, you're really good at portraying my sadistic nature and my hatred towards Kiyoshi. At least I found one positive point in all your works about me and about the( or those!) person you pair me up with.

Hahaha. You think it's funny, huh? Wait till I come and break your knees. This will calm you down a bit.

First, I need to clarify one important thing to you: I did not wish to shove my elbow in the face of Seirin's Number 11, Kuroko Tetsuya, for no reason. He pisses me off. And even if he falls into the dark side, I will not suddenly feel the need to have sex with him.

Don't you worry, I have my arguments for Imayoshi too. My old school friend. not even a classmate. That guy is a true sadist, the devil incarnated, a genius. I can't stand him. And here you all come and say "but my dear, you just described yourself, meaning that you two would go well together~ Birds of the same feather flock together! (heart) (heart) (heart)" But no. I already said that this guy has a worse character than me. So here it is, if we _do not_ have the same feathers, we _do not_ flock together. Except for the case of being a genius, obviously.

It would be so lovely for me to skip this part, and give you my condolences but I feel obliged to make it clear in your head that Kiyoshi and me, _it's not going to happen_. I already broke his knees, and tried to do it again. You really think that one day I will wake up and say to myself "Damn, Teppei is so hot. My hatred has turned into a profound love. I think I hurt him because I was so jealous of his close proximity with Hyuuga and so I wanted to make him pay. Ahh, I feel bad" ? Let me remind you that I am the one who snatched his ability to play the game that he loves the most. As it he will forgive me after a letter of excuse. Shit, just thinking about him and me, two perfect opposites (were you not the ones who were saying earlier that "birds of the same feather flock together") being in a relationship. No, this does not please me. It makes me want to puke.

One last thing : what are those stories about rape, violence, redemption, etc? I never got raped, and nor did I rape someone. I tend to be _a bit_ violent on court, but this only forms part of my winning policies. "Hatred"- isn't that word a bit too strong to describe what I feel towards people? And "redemption", I don't feel bad for those people I hurt yet, intentionally or not. And well, if Hyuuga hates me, it's mutual.

Giving you my condolences,

Hanamiya Makoto.

 **A/N: Thank you for reading the letters. I hope you enjoyed it~**


	5. To all the losers

**Author's Note: It's finally here! The most awaited letter! Without further ado, enjoy the reading~**

Dear defeated writers,

I noticed that you are all interested in me. I'm not really flattered, it's a usual thing.

However, I have some points to highlight concerning your works of fiction.

 _I am absolute_. The majority of your stories shows that personality of mine but they never do it properly, since I don't really see how people can copy me. Besides that, I have noticed another thing that did not really please me. Some… writers exaggerate on that particular characteristic. I am very well aware that I'm always right and that I belong to the winning team. I do not have to reiterate that on every little occasion in a way that does not seem like me at all. But I have to admit that when I promise something, like against the Shutoku match, I stick to my words, irrespective of anything else. It is not insanity, just a commitment.

 _"Scissors flew",_ how many times did I come across this phrase in your stories? Those pair of scissors do not belong to me. Shintarou lent them to me, and the fact that I… attacked Kagami with them was only a test. I knew everything beforehand. I knew that he would skip the blow with his quick reflex and I even knew that I would be able to leave a little cut just to intimidate him.

I know everything, after all. Just like you always mention so properly.

In short, I used those scissors to attack only one person who not only had the audacity to look down at me and spoke so _casually_ to me, but who was also uninvited in the little gathering with my former team mates. I had all the right to let him get the message that he should buck off. For you, though, it was like showing off my fetish move.

In the long run, there's a need for some originality.

To change the topic, did I not already mention that I liked classy _girls_? And not a certain phantom player having a low presence and blue hair and a smaller stature than me. Neither a little coward brunette obviously afraid who looked like a Chihuahua in front of a lion. Nor my former team mates. Reading all those stories where I control and dominate Tetsuya in all the plans while being possessive and thinking only about sex disturbs me.

Talking about my former team mates, one of the first thoughts that come to your mind is that they are all tall. And that for a captain, I'm smaller compared to them.

You all better lower your heads real quickly before I make you do so.

Then, you think about our hair colours… ever so special and _natural_. I forbid you to even think that my hair is pink. It is red; do not even dare argue on that point. You also say that sometimes I'm too arrogant, that I behave like Mr 'Know-It-All' too much, hmm? Well then, this is not the case, since I behave like any normal victor should be. Since I win all the time, I'm always right. You know that, right? So then what's the use of making such useless comments?

And concerning my other self… Oreshi, like you call it. The 'real' me, respectful, calm, disciplined, loser.

The humane part of me.

Keep in mind that if he did not give me his place, the Generation of Miracles would not have reached so far. I do not want to talk about the mentally crushing part- for the others and, after some thinking, for own team itself, but about the physical part. Have you not seen the power with which we win our matches? And for Rakuzan, it's totally identical.

Long story short, I am _not_ crazy.

Anyway, I can see that you like me. Akashi the Destroyer. This must be the same for my other self too, and let me tell you one thing about him: he is not _cute_.

Before saying the last word, let me get this clear on the shape of my eyes: I do not have cat's eyes. I am soon going to buy my own pair of scissors, if it pleases you that much. Also, let me give you one last warning: I will never be the bottom, or the "uke", be it with Daiki, Shintarou, Atsushi, Ryouta, or whosoever. In fact, I do not feel sexually attracted to any of them, or anyone.

Sincerely,

From the Emperor and the captain of Rakuzan,

Akashi Seijuro.


	6. To all the creeps around

Dear creepy writers,

I don't really understand why you insist on writing about us… it's true that we don't know each other, we never saw each other too… how can you know so much about us and on top of that, write about us so well at times?

Hmm, that's too much question. So please, stop.

I feel like crushing you _so much_ when I read(in fact, someone forced me to do so…) some stories in which I am supposedly an overgrown baby who only thinks about food, who behaves like an idiot and submits to Aka-chin… I'm not a big baby who needs a scolding, just a growing teenager who is still in the process of learning...!

It's not fair. Everyone, but me, has a good personality… They all treat me like an idiot and I keep quiet. Aka-chin keeps bossing me around and I silently execute his orders…

No one should complain about my eating habits. When I think about it, it's like you're getting all nit-picky because I need to replenish my energy and feed myself. Yes, three packets of sweets, four bars of chocolate, five burgers at Maji-Ba and two bento boxes per day is good for health… or, at least, for my health. I'm still 6ft10 and 99kg, unlike your tiny 5ft3 for 50kg, don't forget that… I'm not fat!

And, at times, I also asked myself why do I get along with Muro-chin. I share my food with him and stick to him because he is my friend and is kind to me. I don't see any of that 'chemistry' you keep talking about…

There's also Aka-chin… You know that I like Aka-chin a lot, but not like _that_. I don't know what else to say….

But that's not the worst; there's also Mido-chin. It's already _really_ hard for me to be in the same team with him, and now trying to imagine about me being with him in short… I don't know if I can do that. Unless he buys me food. Then, perhaps we'll be able to find a middle ground. But I don't think that Mido-chin will accept that so easily like me…

I think that you all love my hair, right? Then I suppose that you will be delighted to know that I'm _not_ going to cut them. Basketball is not worth it, after all.

Talking about basketball, I'm _tired_ of repeating myself: I don't like it! So stop saying that I like the sport _"deep inside"._

To be honest, I don't care about all those stuffs, but someone forced me to write this letter when I could have used this time to take a nap, or train with Mido-chin. Do whatever you want, but not too much…

PS: My name is Mu-ra-sa-ki-ba-ra. Not Musakakika, Murakasiba, Marusakibara, but _Murasakibara_. And also I'm not a titan. Just on court, maybe.

Murasakibara Atsushi.


	7. To those who makes me want to cry

Dear writers who see me like some abused crybaby,

After reading most of your stories about me, I came to one conclusion: I'm known worldwide, haha.

Well, this was my first thought, but what I saw later depressed me. _Why do they like to make me a crybaby, brat, egoist and… badly treated?_ That's a very good question.

Why?! While reading( _yes_ , I do read stuffs other than fashion magazines which have my face on them, for your kind information), I got the impression that every story about me feature phrases like "he sobbed", "the blond pouted", "his drama queen tears", "he cried for real this time", "that dumb Kise" and so on.

I don't really like that. I do not stick to Kurokocchi every time and I do not cry when he refuses to hug me. I will certainly not have my heart broken if Aominecchi told he that he does not love me. And I don't think that Kasamatsu-sempai hits me to hide his feelings for me because he's a tsundere. Well, for the tsundere part, I cannot totally deny that. Talking about tsunderes, I think I'll be just fine if Midorimacchi tells me to go die (snif, snif) or that he does not love me either.

Also, I'll beat Aomine one day, don't you worry! My efforts will surely get rewarded. And I will get the love (figuratively speaking, _I insist_ ) of aaaall my friends!

Nevertheless, you're all contradictory in your words… You say that I date tonnnns of girls but then you pair me up with guys. You seriously need to decide on this. And I did not date _that_ many girls… An annoyed girl is worth anything but the effort. I would like to add that I still prefer girls though.

And just like that, my parents do not treat me badly ...

Besides that, I reaaaally like my team. You can say that I prefer the title of "Kise of Kaijo" over "Kise of the Generation of Miracles", I already said that once. I'm not really excited to see my former team coming back together. That would be boring. For us and for the other teams. But especially for the other teams, hehe.

AND ALSO, I'd rather be the seme. Yes, I read the lemons. Yes, I found them weird. Very weird. There were some hot moments(I did not know I was _that_ flexible) but just, please, don't mix me with all of this… But if I'm forced to choose, then in my opinion, I say that I'd rather be on top and that SM is not really my style. Being a "crying blond and a model on top of it" is not a valid excuse to make me a bottom, that's insulting! … You probably did not see that, but right now I just rolled my eyes and scratched the back of my head.

From the Ace of Kaijo and the Perfect Copy player,

Kise Ryouta (smile)


	8. To all the compromising writers

Dear writers who see me as someone immature yet funny, so it works out fine with me,

I understand that you really like to ship me with Shin-chan, but well, y'all need to calm down now _huh_. Because I don't think that I'm _"crazy in love with him"_ or that I keep hiding my unrequited love for him since we first met.

I believe that the only two positive points in your works with them ships going around is that we're always together (together yes, but _not_ as a couple) and that he finds it really annoying. Especially that it annoys the fuck outta him, haha! (lemme take this moment to tell you that annoying Shin-chan is not the only priority in my life…)

It's true that I really like to pull his legs and you do a good job at portraying me like that in your fics, thank you! Except that I'd really like to not be called an immature idiot, well, I got kinda used to it but in every story I read there's been _at least_ three different characters (sometimes including Shin-chan) who treat me like an imbecile.

Oh, thank you for complimenting my nice smile. And for telling me that I'm cute. And funny. It's rare for me to get so much compliments. Speaking of praises, I noticed that I have a really strong logic in your stories. Also in one of them, I read that there was a particular chemistry between Midorima and Kagami (… great stuff to tease him with) and I talked to Kuroko about it to maybe try to hook them up and since I have so much feelings for him (…), I ended up befriending and getting close to Kuroko. Well thought of me right?

I was surprised to see that you kept pairing me up with Shin-chan only. We're not _that_ close. Even if he trust me. And that I helped him in team play. Hehe. Without forgetting that we're just best friends. _Yes_ , he doesn't want to admit it but I know better!

I also saw a couple of fics in which I was paired with the Eagle eyed guy from Seirin and Kuroko. Haha. If I had to choose between them or Midorima, I'd certainly choose Midorima. Nor no one simply. I have nothing against them though! They're all nice in Seirin

On another note, thank you for praising my amazing singing skills. If only you could stop reminding me of that one time Kagami and her coach saw me during the camp…

And also, I'm not that immature. I just like to have fun! What, would you rather have me be like Takao the crybaby instead of Takao the funny guy? Maybe you like to see me cry (because Shin-chan rejected my feelings~) ? … That's it, nooo! You'd rather see me smiling, laughing and annoying the heck outta people, haha.

Stop calling me "the tiny one". I am _not_ tiny. I'm 1m76, which totally falls in the average range. The issue is that you keep comparing me to Shin-chan. Shin-chan is on another level. He's a freaking pole, and nothing can be done about that. He's 1m95, nearly 2m!

One last thing: in contrast to some of your stories, after getting defeated by the Generation of Miracles in middle school, I did _not_ consider to stop playing basketball for good, the proof is that I'm still in the game and I certainly did not consider… suicide. Yes, suicide. When I read that part in a story, I was… surprised.

I supposed I rounded up that talk nicely… ( do not mind the fact that I mostly talked about Shin-chan. At the same time, what else do you want me do talk about? There's only that)

Bye bye~

Takao Kazunari, the Hawk Eye.

 **I hope you enjoyed the reading so far!**

 **Rate and reviews will be much appreciated~**


	9. To all the insolent writers

Dear insolent fanfiction writers,

So, this is how you see me as. Apparently, I am either involved in drug trafficking or the black market, I look like a certain Gin, I rape people and my smile is terrifying.

You don't really have a good image of me, I wonder why~

Yet, we haven't really met that much… So, you decided to judge me just from my nice smile, my almost always closed eyes except in critical situations and, of course, from the charming description that my dear kohai had for me? This only proves that you are all quick to judge and easily influenced, right? After all, you don't know the real me, maybe all that I've let you seen is only a mask, hmm. On top of everything, you trusted Hanamiya when he talked about me, but you all said yourselves that he is not someone to be trusted, and yet you all trusted what he had said.

Well, I have to admit that being the bad guy in your little brains don't really offend me. Until, around the thirtieth story where you see me as rapist-dealer-delinquent-mafia, it becomes dull. Be more original, people! For example, you could portray me as someone nice for once. This won't offend me as well, you know?

In either way, I can assure you all that I won't turn up like how you all portray me as in your works of fiction. I look like a complete idiot in your eyes, frankly speaking, someone like me, immaculately kind and intelligent, getting my hands in these kinds of dirty dealing? I believe that my studies are one of my priorities and I will certainly not go down the path of my portrayed alter-egos. I am quite lucky that all of these works are fictional, just like the name says.

Some of you do not like me for my so-called sadistic nature and wickedness. But from where did you see me going all sadistic and wicked? Hmm, the rumors, you say? But it's not good to believe in rumors… It's only a distortion of the reality, I think you all know this very well… And yet you still choose to believe in them. To be fair, I don't think I've shown any sadistic side of mine. Wicked, I'd rather not comment, well, not as much as you make it seem like.

My smile makes you uncomfortable? I would be lying if I were to say that it does not amuse me, haha. I am not doing this intentionally, it's natural, I promise~

About my dear little kohai, I really like him, you know. He hits on my nerves, but I have nothing against him. It's just that I never liked him as much as you all wanted me to like him, and he never did me wrong so why would I assault him? Or intimidate him? I was quite taken aback when I read those parts.

There is also Momoi Satsuki. I really like her as well, this little shorty. She worries a bit too much about Aomine and the team, but I am not complaining. I know that the team will be in good hands with her and wonderful Wakamatsu when I graduate. She is very cute, haha, but there is no need to exaggerate with all those ships, come on…

I could very well explain explicitly why your ideas are absurd, but you see, I don't have that much time to lose. I believe that you must have all arrived to the same conclusion that I did not find your stories to be particularly . . .pleasant~

Sincerely,

The captain of Too,

Imayoshi Shoichi.


End file.
